xoxoChilly
THE LONGING
At times when my head is empty and no anxious or excited thoughts are pulling my focus this way and that, without meaning to, I think of a kiss. Not a Hollywood kiss, no worlds spinning, just that moment of two sets of lips coming together. It’s always a surprise when I become aware of what I’m thinking about, because when I usually catch myself doing this is when I’m single and don’t even have a crush. This explains why the person I’m kissing is blurry and out of focus like a dream. It’s pointless to daydream about a kiss when there’s no one you fancy. And it leaves me with such a feeling of longing that I have to start running down a list of guys I know and replay the scenario to see if one of them fit. But that usually ends in cringes rather than eurekas. I could never figure out why I’d dream of kissing when there’s no one to kiss. But wait. Maybe that’s just the point. When I long for kissing it’s when I’m most alone. I’m not longing for a specific person, but for a connection. Perhaps a new connection to the world I’ve never explored before, a new way to tap into my humanity, a new way to open up without saying a word. So at my quietest moments, when it’s just me in my head, I’ll imagine a kiss and invite the world in.
